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evolcrayola
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Name: Amy
Birthday:
Interests: Drumming, eating, laughing, reminding people that I'm going to be raised from the dead, pretending to be cool (it works on some people), not watching movies with people
Expertise: Stalking people. Being creepy. Not paying attention in class.
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
1/17/2004
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Today I was driving, and I heard a thwup. It was a very distinct sound that you only hear on movies when something completely and utterly ridiculous occurs. I looked over and a leaf was stuck on my antenna. It
had been flying aimlessly around in the windy cold-fronted weather,
when out of nowhere came a long point object going 35 miles an hour
which impaled it. Sorry leaf. Next time look both ways before floating.
I would also like to take this moment to add that my goal in life is to not be impaled. I
always thought this was a ridiculous goal and that when I die it would
be a given that I would say “at least I succeeded at my one goal.” But
nope, in the last 6 months two of my friends have been in freak bicycle
accidents resulting in them getting impaled by the handle bars. Weird. It’s
still my goal, but now I guess I will have to work harder at it. And of
course stay away from all poles, bikes, and handle bars.
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| What started it
I've
taken a new fascination with watching "House" since the regular season
of "Lost" ended. For those of you who don't know what House is, here's
a basic overview. Dr. House is a mean grouchy horrible man who happens
to be a brilliant doctor, and he works with a team to diagnose weird
medical diseases. (For more details see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House,_M.D. )
Any way, while
watching last night I marvelled at how great doctors are, and how much
skill and knowledge it takes to rattle off these lists of possible
causes and diseases for these ridiculous cases. In that moment of awe
I briefly considered "maybe I should have been a doctor."
In
response to that fleeting thought, and in response to the events of
today I have decided to share with you one incident that absolutely
proves why I should not be a doctor. (I'm actually refering to an ER
doctor or surgeon in my head, but I'm sure this could apply to many
fields of medicine so I am making a rash generalization on purpose).
STORY TIME:
I love falling asleep with pillows and blankets all around, curled up
in a little ball with barely any room to breathe. I guess that thought
hit me today at work, and as I walked to the bathroom for the zillionth
time (i drink a lot of water, its good for me!) I had a brilliant
idea. Grabbing the first two people I saw, I expressed to them my new
goal for the day: "I'm going to fit inside of my filing cabinet!" And
then I left. Wait. I took a cookie from the desk, then I left.
The filing cabinet:
Two black drawers stacked on top of each other that sit under my desk.
The drawer:
3 ft 3 in long, 1 ft 5 in wide, and 11in deep.
I just measured it.
Now at this moment it is just a thought floating around in my head. For those
of you there for the "throw self on ground" incident, you know that can be dangerous.
Quick background: I was sick on monday, so in an effort to make up the hours, I am working 10 a day for the rest of the week.
Midway through hour 9 delerium breaks in. I begin prancing around,
announce my intentions to those sitting around me, and start removing
all of the junk from my lower filing cabinent drawer. Yes, I was
prancing. Then with a few observers (no one really believed I would
try this stunt), I sat in the drawer and attempted to fold myself in
half, to no avail. After a little twisting and turning I came to the
conclusion that my hips are wider than 11 inches, as is my back when
folded in half.
Here is the chain of events that followed:
First:
Deepa, who sits across the aisle from me, says for $10 she'll show me
how its done and get in tomorrow. (She's also stick thin and shorter
than me) I don't want to lose my money, so I say no.
Second:
Jon from the next row comes over to the open and remarkably clean
drawer, and attempts to position himself in such a way that most of his
body except his head is inside of the drawer, however the hip problem
remains.
Third:
After some "fetal position" advice from Deepa, and tricks learned from
watching Jon, I lay in the aisle and practice my next position for
fitting in the drawer.
Fourth:
Bill (best described as a smaller nerdier version of my stepdad George)
walks by and sees me laying in the aisle and stares. As I stand up
awkwardly he proceeds to mimick me by laying on the ground in the fetal
position.
Fifth:
I take off my shoes (why didn't I think of this before)
Sixth:
I tighten my belt.
Seventh:
I step into the drawer, and lay in the curled up position with arms in front of me.
Eighth:
I try to slide myself into the cabinet.
Ninth:
I get stuck.
Tenth:
Pushing myself back out I say "I should just not eat for the next day and then I'll fit!"
11th
Deepa says "Didn't you do that when you were sick"
12th
I say "oh yes. That wasnt' good"
13th
Jon stands on his desk and looks at me over the cube walls. He says "even if you starve yourself, bones don't shrink"
14th
I'm still very
firmly wedged into the drawer.
15th
I manage to pull my right foot behind me causing my hips to twist and
wedge my knee at a downward angle, which moves my leg below the line.
16th
I laugh hysterically as I close myself in filing cabinet
17th
The paparazzi comes, and everyone takes pictures of just my face visible in the crack of the drawer as it is closing.
BRILLIANT !!!!
I did it. Thats the point.
Now for the second point:
Why I shouldn't be a doctor.
Often doctors don't sleep. Imagine if I had been in surgery for 8
hours, and suddenly a similarly brilliant idea hits me. "I bet I could
stick my WHOLE hand in that stretchy artery thing!!!" After much
tweaking, temperature changing and of course the rocky theme song, I
would probably succeed. Not good for a patient though. | | |
| More milk cartons:
I took a "study break." It began like this.
Amy (on the floor): AGGGHHHH
Blair (standing) : Aggghhhh
Amy: Diana, finish your paper!
Diana: What!?
Amy and Blair: We're taking a study break, so we need to worry about your work now.
A few minutes later....
Amy Blair and Diana are watching hand sanitizer burn in the sink.
A few more minutes later...
Amy Blair and Diana all have granola bar boxes duct tapped to their
hands, and are enthusiastically batting a granola bar/cereal box/milk
carton back and forth in the kitchen.
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| Yesterday in a nutshell:
Thesis dancing - congrats elissa
Milk carton hickey
Probability times infinity
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| its the last week of school... tell me your last week "i have so much to do that i might die!" horror story....
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